What to write in a sympathy card

Written By Madeleine Shelton

Sending flowers and comforting someone who is grieving is a beautiful way to say, I’m here and I care about you. Sometimes it can be hard to know just what to say.

Here are some tips to get started…

  • Express Your Sympathy

-Let the person know you are thinking of them during this difficult time

  • Introduce Yourself
    -If you are writing to the family of someone who is deceased and they may not know you, introduce yourself. This lets them know who you are and how you knew their loved one.

  • Share an Anecdote/Memory

    -If you knew the person/pet who died, sharing a favorite memory or anecdote about this adds a meaningful touch to a sympathy note.
    -Share a story you remember your loved one telling you about this person - when someone is grieving recalling memories and even stories they’ve heard before is comforting.

  • Be Specific
    -Saying “let me know if there is anything we can do” is a well-intentioned sentiment but it puts the burden of asking for help on the person/people who are grieving. People who are experiencing grief are often in decision fatigue. Offering a specific way you can support them during this time is a way to show you are there for them. For instance, offering to run an errand like a Target run and delivering it to their doorstep is a simple way to take one thing off of their plate.

    Here are a couple example sympathy card messages:

    Dear Thompson Family,

    We are sad to hear of your dad Arnold’s passing. I had the pleasure of working with Arnie for 17 years at Raytheon. Your dad was a great colleague. I wanted to share a story that embodies what I admired about him. A number of years ago, he brought in a blueberry cobbler for a potluck. I loved his recipe. Arnie was kind enough to not only share the recipe with me but he also baked a blueberry cobbler for my surprise retirement party last June. I was touched by his thoughtfulness.
    Arnie will be missed.
    Sending my sincere sympathy,
    Franklin Todd

    Marilyn,
    I’m sorry you are missing your sweet kitty cat Daisy. We enjoyed hearing about her latest antics and will miss her face popping up in the living room window when we arrived at your front door for a visit. I will check in two weeks to see if you are up for a walk. Thinking of you…
    Love,
    Samantha

    When sending sympathy flowers, here are two things to consider:
    -If you’d like to send flowers to a funeral or memorial service acts as an visual anchor point. I recommend wreaths as these are easy to set-up and move following a service.
    -If you’d like to send flowers to a person’s home, sending an arrangement in a vase or a living orchid plant (if your recipient has a green thumb) is always a thoughtful touch. These arrangements are easily delivered to the recipient and add the gift of beauty and care during a time of pain.

    Sending flowers to someone who has lost someone is a gesture of kindness and thoughtfulness. Special anniversaries, holidays, and significant dates are all appropriate times to send someone flowers - even weeks, months, or years after a loss.

Madeleine Shelton